The process of intimacy is about so much more than sex. Sexual intimacy can greatly enhance a relationship and perhaps even save it in a time of severe crisis.

If your love life is flagging, do not ignore it. Now is the time to try to revive it.

The main ingredient necessary for creating sexual intimacy is desire — not the desire for sex but the desire for the deepest sense of physical and emotional connection one could hope to feel.

Reclaiming an exciting tactile experience is only part of what is needed; mental and emotional connections also are necessary.

A desire to experiment is as valid as a more conservative approach. What's most important is that you both agree on what works for you, and this takes some communication and a respect for each other's boundaries and needs.

It begins with couples agreeing that they both want a more active, romantic or passionate sexual relationship — and that it has as much to do with intimacy, the feeling of closeness, as it does with the physical experience.

No one wants to be intimate with someone who's mad at them, so if your lack of affection is based on or has caused anger, you have to heal that before moving on to sexual intimacy. Get the elephant on the table and talk about what's bugging you. Eliminating any residual anger will open the door to a deeper love connection.

If it has been awhile, don't try to be totally intimate in an instant. Go for a casual buildup of emotion; just get comfortable with each other again.

Taking a little time to get things going will make them last a lot longer.

Desire is something that happens in your head and heart long before it affects your body.

Think what you will, but it's never too late to get your love life going again.

If you feel yourself pulling back from intimacy with your partner, then there are some deeper issues going on, and you'd best start working on them before your entire relationship becomes tainted.

Sex is only a part of a good relationship, but if it's withheld or used as a weapon, it can erode even the strongest of bonds.

Just wanting to feel the desire again is a sign that you long for more intimacy with your partner. Share your feelings with the one you love, and together you can make your love life an attractive part of being together once again.

— Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a marriage and family therapist, can be reached at 818-879-9996 or via e-mail at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com. He has lived and practiced in Westlake Village for more than a decade. Hear him live on KCLU Radio, 88.3 FM, from 1 to 2 p.m. Mondays.