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Cason Point: Risking online wrath for smell of it
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More from Colleen CasonWe live in a time of social networking, when shared interests can trump shared geography.
But the dark side of all this instant and anonymous communication is something I call anti-social networking.
Anyone who's ventured into the blogosphere has either witnessed or been the target of those posters who scold and scald while hiding behind a screen name.
I suspect these same folks would pull their punches if you met them face to face.
My first attempt to join one of these online communities led me down to a place they call Makeup Alley.
First, a confession. Fine fragrance is my crack. I sit at my computer surrounded by sample vials of some of the best juice the French olfactory factories have blended. When I need inspiration or distraction, I sneak a hit.
Perfume fulfils for me the promise of a genie in a bottle. Uncork it, take a whiff, apply it to the skin and await a small miracle.
I love to follow it as the aromas unfold. Ah, up comes the peach. What's that? Jasmine. May rose. Lily of the Valley. Oh, wait. Something feral has skittered in. It's civet. Finally the heavy hitters — sandalwood and the musk — make their entrance.
That, my friends, is the drama that unfolds when Joy perfume, the air and body chemistry join forces.
You would think since perfume is my grand love, I would single out one scent and wear it all the way to my coffin.
Yeah, and Hai Karate cologne attracts the babes. Not.
A woman is supposed to have a signature scent. Well, I have more signatures than an identity thief. A whole bottle is too much commitment for me. So I buy sample vials at various haunts on the Internet.
As you might imagine, the rejected hopefuls quickly take over the medicine chest.
In the past, I've given them away in the break room at work. My co-workers select randomly a vial and may not know that a scent called CB I Hate Perfume Black March is a delicacy to perfumistas. The concoction that imitates the scent of cold dirt after a downpour sells for 75 bucks for a half-ounce.
After one recipient told me he would use my samples on his dog, I decided to share them with people who really appreciate fragrance. Who blog it, who keep diaries about it, people who dream of walking into a boutique in Paris and in their best rehearsed French ask for some holy grail of an elixir not sold in the United States.
That's how I found myself in Makeup Alley. I wanted to trade perfume and observations with the scent-soaked sisterhood.
I should have gotten my first whiff of what was ahead when I read one poster's comment: "Does anyone else find this place a little scary?"
I thought I knew perfume. But I had to crack their code of cologne, such as "EdP of CdG from LS." Translation: eau de parfum by Comme des Garcons purchased at Lucky Scent.
Short of the Chicago Commodities Exchange, I cannot imagine a more complex system of trade.
First you input the stash you want to swap. Then create a wish list of things you hope to get.
Then you search to see who wants what you posted. And then you search to see if she has what you seek.
Pretty soon, the e-mails filled my inbox with offers that were just a little off of what I wanted.
Peer pressure forced me to try to answer them quickly. No sense risking a bad rep with my home girls.
One night, deep into my folly, I was hunched over my keyboard when my husband found me.
"I am in a hell of my own making," I told him.
The Husby says to me: "What are the odds that you'll have what they want and vice versa?" "Low," I confessed.
The chances of incurring the wrath of a fellow swapper are, however, astronomical.
Within 48 hours of signing up, I got called out for being nonresponsive and trying to hide the fact I had only 1 milliliter of a mid-priced product.
I apologized for unwittingly insulting this stranger's intelligence. She fired back that while I had been guilty of being vague, mostly she was annoyed because of an incident in her own life that involved coming across a passed-out woman with her knickers down.
She then offered me hints on proper mailing etiquette of swapped items, which requires bubble wrap, electrical tape, tissue paper and padded envelopes. I'm fairly sure the shuttle launches with less preparation and insulation.
Meanwhile, back in my inbox, another young woman apparently found me such a worthy soul she asked to come out to Thousand Oaks and visit me.
At this point, I sought the wisdom of perfumista and leading fragrance blogger Robin K. of NowSmellThis.
I had ignored her first piece of advice on fragrance swaps: Look before you leap.
"You'll find that people have radically different ideas about what constitutes a fair swap,'" she said.
She even refers to "swaplifters" — people who promise to trade even and then short you.
This was all it took for me to hit the "suspend all" button and end my foray into this cyberworld.
So I guess that guy's dog is going to be smelling of the EdP of CdG I got from LS.
— E-mail this Star columnist at ccason@VenturaCountyStar.com.
Posted by catapultia on May 18, 2008 at 8:24 a.m. (Suggest removal)
If you've even been lurking on Makeup Alley's Fragrance Board you know that it's a very tight clique. For the most part the "nice" you encounter is, indeed all superficial and can turn to pure scorn at the drop of a hat.
Many of these purportedly kind and generous women lead a double or even triple existence with multiple usernames and make daily sport of labeling and harassing those whose only social faux pas may have been to *gasp* list something they received as a supposed "random act of kindness". Gifts with strings are a common theme and the mob mentality rules.
I too, gave up the notion of honest social interaction and female bonding with these largely emotionally unstable women and try to skim over their daily dramas to get to the actual information and opinion on fragrances.
Like a catty pyjama party of middle school snobs, you should see what they've been saying about this article...
Posted by drvogue on May 18, 2008 at 11:08 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Hello:
I am the person who wrote "FINAL NOTE: Am I the only one or is this place kinda stressful sometimes?" I still feel that way. Some notepads and some swappers are very stress inducing. But, my opinion is that these people/incidents are in the minority at the Fragrance Board on MUA. I didn't lurk, I jumped right in. As long as you are truly interested in perfume, you will find this place worthwhile. Which is a lot more than I can say about 95% of other online communities.
I am also the person who had a positive swapping experience with the writer. She sent hers and I sent mine and there were no problems whatsoever. She was really nice actually. And I am still enjoying the samples she sent me. I hoped we could get together one of these days. Which bring me to my next point...
I might also be the person the writer refers to as "Meanwhile, back in my inbox, another young woman apparently found me such a worthy soul she asked to come out to Thousand Oaks and visit me." Except, it didn't quite happen like that if the writer is indeed referring to me. I suggested she e-mail one of the MUA members so she can get on the Los Angeles perfume events list and then we got to talking about getting together from there.
Anyway, as far as online communities go, I have found the Fragrance Board on MUA to be very mature and civil. Almost all posts are answered and members are willing to help others out. I don't go there to find friends (although I have made a few in the process), I go there to learn about perfumes. Which happens on a daily basis. I learn something new every day. The camaraderie is just a bonus, if it happens. I certainly don't feel like people are being "fake nice". Maybe because I don't really look for "niceness", I just look for information.
And to the comment above, I have very little idea what you're talking about when you mention "gifts with strings". I have sent people samples just because I wanted them to experience something I had that they wanted. I never asked for anything in return. And I got sent a few things my way as well.
If one thinks the MUA Frag board is catty, one should probably stay away from all online chat rooms until one develops a thicker skin (and my skin is very thin by the way so for me to feel this way should tell the reader something.)
Finally, I hope the writer will realize the few rotten apples are LEs (limited editions) and most of the frag hags are actually nice to the degree of CDG EDP concentrations (if not parfum).
Posted by Someonewhoiscool on May 18, 2008 at 11:04 p.m. (Suggest removal)
I think the misunderstanding here is that another ugly board exists called BeautyBash.net. A handful of mean and hateful woman use this board to congregate and whine about who they hate on makeupalley. Unfortunately, this small group of angry people have made life rough on the otherwise kind people at makeupalley. They target specific people to have them removed from makeupalley. Sometimes it is for good, for example when someone who has been swaplifting people has come back to do it again. But, it usually is because of a personality conflict. So sad that a small group of childish people can have so much control. When it spills over to makeupalley, it is not pretty and has saddened many regulars on the board.
I have been on makeupalley for several years and I have a core group of 7 people I swap with regularly. They are people I know and trust. I did not start swapping immediately when I joined. I waited and watched and joined in conversations. And yes, I have been swaplifted twice out of nearly 200 transactions. But, that is human nature. Not everyone is honest, but I've gotten better at avoiding those thiefs. I am sorry you had a bad experience, but I don't think you've captured the average makeupalley experience.
Posted by Someonewhoiscool on May 18, 2008 at 11:10 p.m. (Suggest removal)
I forgot to add that bubble wrap and electrical tape are important items to have when swapping. The bubble wrap protects samples from crushing in mail machines and electrical tape can keep vials from leaking. I think the person that told you this was looking out for your best interest. I have worked to develop a good reputation in swapping and have taken suggestions seriously. Nothing personal at all!
Posted by I_collect_perfume on May 21, 2008 at 11:21 a.m. (Suggest removal)
I am one of the people who meets with the So Cal group of perfumistas that DrVogue mentioned to you. It's a shame you didn't take her up on her generous offer to have you included on the emails that keep us updated about events. We always have a such a great time. We get to meet with perfumers like Andy Tauer and Yosh Han, and more recently met with Chandler Burr. You might have enjoyed getting to know us. Aside from this group of people, people I know in real life just don't "get" my obsession with fragrance.
It's also too bad that your report of your experience wasn't entirely accurate. I understand that skewing the facts a little made it easier to write and a better read, but it was also unfair, not only to DrVogue, but the vast majority of MUA fragrance board regulars who have created a haven for people who want to learn, share information and opinions, and discover the world of perfume.
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