Scripps Howard News Service

DEAR DR. FOURNIER: Our family has just returned from a great spring-break vacation, and we loved being together. But when school starts back, our relationships always become so strained. After the break, my son's teachers finally updated his grades on the school's Web site, and he had numerous zeros for homework. Unfortunately, I don't find out about the zeros until he already has been labeled a "C" student. He simply does not see the purpose of the work. He says he will worry about it when he gets to the ninth grade "when it counts." How can I help to change his mind?

ASSESSMENT: A habit is a habit, an action or behavior pattern that is repeated so often that it becomes an unconscious act that takes a lot of work to change.

The habit your child has developed is not about homework. It is an attitude. He has decided to disrespect his teacher whenever he chooses. When I work with students, I ask them to define "homework." I get all kinds of answers, such as "work I forget about" or "work that is stupid."

For many students, homework is not about learning or getting an education. Homework is a game that they try to beat by doing the least amount possible. If they can skip it or just write something down before class, then that is what they do. Many students believe homework is just "busy work" of no value. This could be one of the greatest travesties in the American education system. Homework is not punishment.

Homework reinforces classroom material and stimulates creativity. When students are out of the classroom and back in their own environments, true learning and creativity can begin. This quiet time, alone or with a parent, can spawn great understanding of the material and develop a deeper understanding of — and lifelong passion for — the subject at hand.

WHAT TO DO: The problem is not about homework. It is about values. I ask my students this question: Would you go to class each day and smack your teacher in the face? They always answer with a sheepish and curious "no." Then I explain that is exactly what they do when they refuse to turn in their homework. It is complete and total disrespect for the teacher.

Teachers are required to make lesson plans and stay on that schedule throughout the school year. Homework is given so that students don't fall behind. This benefit cannot be realized when a student is too self-centered/angry to see the bigger picture.

So what is a zero? It is actually the student's self-portrait. Teachers don't give zeros; students give zeros to themselves. With each zero, the student says, "Slice away at what I am. I give you permission to lower my grade so that on my transcript it reflects my disrespect for you (and without realizing it, for myself)." The last student I said this to responded with anger: "Why didn't anyone tell me this before?" He was horrified at the idea of slapping his teacher and about making himself worth nothing.

Teach your son right now that he must respect himself. This is non-negotiable. I promise that he will thank you later in life. If he doesn't care about his grades or his teachers when he is in middle school, then he won't care in high school. If he doesn't care in high school, he will be on a track for failure and pain in life.

If we don't take pride in ourselves, then no one else will either. And if we don't show respect to others, especially our teachers, how can we demand respect from them, and later on from anyone else? Change your son's attitude and habits to tell others to "make him valuable." Zeros will never take him anywhere but down.

-Write Dr. Yvonne Fournier, Fournier Learning Strategies Inc., 5900 Poplar, Memphis, Tenn. 38119. E-mail her at drfournier@hfhw.net.)