My years in hospice work allowed me to see how various people and cultures cared for their loved ones when they were dying. Invariably, when death had occurred, there was general confusion as to what kind of service should be arranged. Some were dictated by a shortage of money and others by simply not knowing what the deceased had wanted. This is why it is important that this matter be discussed well before death occurs.

I remember visiting a funeral parlor where a coffin was draped in brown packing paper and string with a notation written in heavy black ink: "Return to Sender." Then there was the 17-year-old from Ojai. The church was filled for his memorial service, the voice of Celine Dion soared as we entered, and when his schoolmates each spoke of the contribution he had made in his short life to the church and school, there was not a dry eye in the house. The most colorful coffin I have seen was one painted in green and made to look like a golf course. The inscription boldly written on the side said "Fairway to Heaven." I suppose there is no accounting for taste.

A friend who died recently had made all the preparations for his memorial service. I knew him as a gentleman who had impeccable taste, and it was with some interest that I drove to the beach in Ventura County to attend.

There were around 20 of us, friends and family who spoke in hushed tones, backed by the rush of the incoming tide. I knew that my friend had been cremated, and I also knew this was a perfect place for a service because of his profound love of the ocean.

When the group was introduced to a lady singing "Amazing Grace," I knew immediately this was going to be a different kind of service. A gentleman who introduced himself as the concierge of The Phoenix Flight told of my friend's love of the ocean, and of his last wish to have his ashes scattered over the sea. He explained what was about to happen. The timing was perfect.

Almost immediately, I heard the drone of an airplane, and we watched the ashes leave the airplane in a cloud of dust. Another pass of the airplane brought showers of rose petals over the same area. Putting all of this together with a perfect California day; it was a parting not to be forgotten.

Later, at the reception, I was introduced to the people who make up The Phoenix Flight. The owners are Glenn True and Maggie Bird, who are both pilots, and Jerry Lemke is the concierge. They have been in business in Ventura County for the past 10 years, and now that the idea of memorial services with a theme have become more popular, they are in great demand. They are able to design the service just as you would want it. Scatterings at sea and over favorite mountain trails have become popular. Flight operations are conducted under the guidelines and supervision of the Federal Aviation Administration and the California State Department of Consumer Affairs.

Maggie Bird told me of a particular service for a gentleman who was famed as a rider of horses. He had a desire to have his ashes scattered on a favorite trail in the Santa Ynez Valley. His mourners gathered at the site, watched the ashes being scattered, and were then treated to a barbecue as the deceased had ordered.

The Phoenix Flight was able to arrange all of this. Their professionalism and sense of dignity is evident, and the concierge choreographs each event expertly. It is a wonderful service made available to the people of Ventura County.

For more information, contact the Phoenix Flight at www.ThePhoenixFlight.com, or call them at 377-3777.

— Star columnist Margaret Nesbitt welcomes comments and suggestions about subjects of interest to seniors. They can be sent via e-mail to undeg@verizon.net.