The Melia family can't make it to Saturday. Not yet.

They are living in that first Friday in February when five uniformed men told them that their son and brother, 20-year-old U.S. Marine Lance Cpl. Anthony C. Melia had been killed fighting in Iraq.

With every ceremony honoring the military, every note of the national anthem and every sympathetic hug, the Thousand Oaks family still can't feel anything but loss.

"Unfortunately for us, time has made no difference. There are reminders all around you," the slain man's father, Mike Melia, said at a Memorial Day service in Westlake Village.

"If there's any joy that you can feel, it's just that this community has been incredible."

On Monday, residents of Melia's community and others across Ventura County gathered at Memorial Day services to commemorate those who died fighting for their country. With song, prayer and speeches, they honored their memories in virtually every city.

The Melia family attended a ceremony at Pierce Bros. Valley Oaks Memorial Park in Westlake, where more than 2,000 people gathered.

Donald Bishop, foreign policy adviser to the commandant of the U.S. Marine Corps, touched on the controversy surrounding the Iraq war.

"Now, in large gatherings of Americans like this one, it is natural there are different opinions on the war," Bishop said. "But we are, I am confident, in recognizing the valor of our soldiers, one people in mourning their losses."

In Ventura, several hundred people gathered at Ivy Lawn Memorial Park for the 36th annual Memorial Day service.

"Why do we gather on Memorial Day?" Assemblyman Pedro Nava, D-Santa Barbara, said in his keynote address. "Because we must. As long as we live we will keep this day sacred."

Wearing a brown leather bomber jacket stenciled with the name of his B-17 bomber, Andy's Dandy's, on the back, World War II veteran Joe Keenan laid a wreath at the foot of a podium.

The wreath represented his outfit, the 100th Bombardment Group of the Eighth Air Force.

Keenan's was among nearly 60 groups that presented wreaths at Ivy Lawn on Memorial Day.

"My generation isn't here," the 84-year-old Oxnard resident said after the ceremony. "There's just nobody left. Even the ones that don't get around well."

As he spoke, several people, including a veteran who served in the same outfit in 1938, stopped to say hello and thank you.

Sgt. Anthony Gutierrez, 29, stood during the ceremony. He wore dog tags around his neck and a cap identifying him as a veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom, the name given to the initial military invasion of Iraq in 2003.

"I'm really glad to see this many people came out, young and old," he said. "It means a lot to see this support."

The service was marked by music, a Native American blessing and an announcement that a veterans home in Saticoy would soon be breaking ground.

Among those laying wreaths were Frank Lindesey, 61, of Oxnard and his grandchildren, Pamela, 4, and Frank, 6.

Lindesey represented American Legion Post 48 in Oxnard. As he set the wreath down, the family saluted before heading back to their seats.

"I'm trying to teach them patriotism," said Lindesey, who served five tours in Vietnam and 21 years in the Navy.

"I don't want them to grow up and have to fight a war," he said as his eyes brimmed with tears.

At the Oxnard American Legion post, a modest crowd gathered in the parking lot for the morning ceremony.

Vietnam veteran John Smith of Oxnard handed out programs for the service, which included remarks by Oxnard Mayor Tom Holden and a keynote address by Navy Lt. Cmdr. James Watts.

Smith's father was a prisoner of war who fought in the Battle of the Bulge in World War II.

"All my family members were in the service," he said.

Sitting in the audience were Rebecca Franco of Camarillo and her 25-year-old son, Matthew Franco.

Her daughter, Army Spc. Antinia Franco of Camarillo, was serving her second tour in Iraq when she was injured in 2005 after a vehicle exploded on a supply route she was patrolling.

On Monday, Antinia Franco commemorated Memorial Day with her daughter in Washington, D.C.

Matthew Franco is also doing his part. The financial planner joined the reserves in February last year.

"It's kind of hard to watch these people go off and sacrifice their lives, especially when I'm so young and I don't have a wife and kids," he said. "It's like you want to go out and do what you can."

In Westlake Village, those who had lost loved ones in any war were asked to place a carnation on a memorial wreath at the Pierce Bros. cemetery.

Sgt. Eddie Reioux, 29, of Thousand Oaks stood in line to take his turn.

He served a tour in northern Iraq with the Army before being injured in a training accident last year. He has volunteered to return to his unit, which has lost at least 50 soldiers.

In the past couple of years, 15 close friends have died in the war, he said. But he was glad to make it to the memorial ceremony Monday in Westlake Village.

"It's a way to represent all the services, especially those that have given their all."