Editor's note: This is a continuation of last week's column concerning parents and money.

More 50-something adults are worried about caring for their own aging parents. Midlifers whose elderly parents may need assistance need to create a family plan for negotiating these new demands.

Parental guidance suggested

Midlifers must be strong for their aging parents. All too often, grown children with concerns about their parents are unable to get their parents to talk through the issues that weigh so heavily on each of them.

The child wants to make sure the parents have the documents in place that will allow their wishes to be carried out without question or hassle, but the parents hear the questions as a threat, or worse, a reminder of their mortality.

What's crucial for every adult child to keep in mind is how to shape the conversation. Don't treat your parents like children. Ask questions. Listen, but don't lecture. It's all about showing respect.

One of the best ways to approach the subject is to personalize it. Try something like this:

"Mom and Dad, I've been working on making sure I have the right documents in place to ensure my family is OK if anything were to happen to me.

"I'm wondering if you have everything in place, so that when the time comes I can carry out your wishes exactly the way you intend.

"That's so important to me. I want to make sure I can take care of you and take care of your estate exactly as you want it to be handled.

"For that to happen, I need to make sure you have the right documents set up in the right way."

Do the paperwork

Here are the documents you need to make sure they have (you should have these documents for yourself, too):

- Advance directive

This spells out to medical care providers (and your family) what type of healthcare you want in the event you become incapacitated and can't speak for yourself.

- Durable power of attorney for healthcare

This appoints someone to act as your "agent" if you become incapacitated. Your agent has the job of speaking for you to make sure the wishes laid out in your advance directive are followed.

The agent can be anyone spouse, friend or child. The key is that it's someone you trust.

- Durable power of attorney for finance

This appoints someone to act on your financial behalf should you become incapacitated. It works best if it's part of a revocable living trust (see below) that includes an incapacity clause.

- Revocable living trust and will

I strongly urge everyone to have a trust, not just a will. With a trust, all assets can easily pass to beneficiaries upon the death of the trustee (that's you) without having to go through the costly and time-consuming probate court process.

A trust that includes an incapacity clause will enable whomever you choose to handle your financial affairs if you become too ill to make those decisions for yourself. That's one key reason you need a trust: It helps you while you're still living. A will only kicks in once you've died.

A lawyer specializing in estate planning can draw up all these documents. The costs might run from a few hundred dollars to upward of $2,000 or more, depending on the complexity of your family's finances.

You can also use an online or software program to draw up the papers and then hire an attorney to simply review the documents.

Suze Orman is a best-selling author and Emmy award-winning TV host. Her Web site is http://www.suzeorman.com.