Most parents try to always be fair to all their offspring, but sometimes one child, by his or her very nature, may need more attention and effort than other children. This requires developing patience, coping skills and an acute sense of humor.

It is OK to treat your children differently, according to their personalities, learning styles and emotional stability. It doesn't mean you don't love them equally.

Giving attention as needed is a natural and normal process in parenting. This is different from favoring one child over the other. As parents, you know how much attention you give to your children.

Whether you're aware of it or not, however, the kids keep track of how much attention, both good and bad, they get. And they compare it to their siblings. They often will give hints when they feel the attention is imbalanced. If you think your parenting is not good enough, your kids will use that against you. Don't be swayed by your guilt; it's part of the process.

It helps to set aside times to be with the child who doesn't require as much from you. Make dates and try not to break them; if you must, make sure you give a good reason and make it up to them.

If you have a high-maintenance child or you tend to punish one more than the others, over time you might have just gotten used to it. Once you notice this disparity, do your best to bring things into balance and learn new methods to modify everyone's behavior.

The key is to create fairness in your relationships with all your children. If possible, have four positive interactions with each child for every negative interaction.

There are cycles of neediness. Some need more love at times; some need more boundaries. Often it is easier to communicate with one child than with the others; this is natural and normal. Just accept that you can't please everyone all the time.

One final tool: Ask your children what they want and what is important to them. When you get the answer, you're finding out what motivates them.

Support them in becoming successful in at least one area where they show interest. Educating and giving them experiences in areas they want will enhance their learning process in other subjects as well.

I once saw a bumper sticker on the back of a Volvo station wagon that read: "I have three kids. I can handle anything!" Can you relate?

— Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples," can be reached at 818-879-9996 or via e-mail at Barton@BartonGoldsmith.com. He has resided and practiced in Westlake Village for over a decade. Hear him live on KCLU Radio, 88.3FM, from 2 to 3 p.m. Mondays.