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By SCOTT FRIEDMAN

"Being There" for Those We Love

Posted 4:12 p.m., April 14, 2008

"Being There" for Those We Love

Almost all of us have people in our lives we love and care about. We want to express that love in the most supportive and effective way possible. One of the ways to do that is "being there" for them.

What does "being there" mean? It means being present and aware as much as possible of the love that exists. Most of the time it includes listening and accepting and letting people know we care. What it usually does not include is telling people what we think will help them, trying to solve problems for them, or explaining the errors of their ways. There are exceptions, of course. In most cases really being there for someone is providing a safe and accepting and supportive environment where they can access their own creative solutions. Questions like, "What is the problem" and "what do you think the best thing to do is?" are frequently very helpful. Be accepting of whatever the answers are, even if the answer is "I don't know". It is often even beneficial to say "it's good to know you don't know" if that's the answer.

As much as it doesn't seem so, most people want and need to solve their own problems. No one can do our growth for us. What we can do is provide an optimal environment for them to achieve progress. This is being as accepting, loving, supportive and present as possible.

We can only give what we have. To be effective at accepting and supportive of others we must first be effective and caring for our selves. In fact, the more we care for and support our selves, the more automatic it is to extend that to others. Conversely if we're hard on our selves, it is almost impossible for us not to be hard on those closest to us. If we want others to feel loved and supported by us, we must love and support our selves.

What does loving our self look like? Of course, this can vary a great deal by individual, and it almost always includes being accepting of our self. That might sound like saying, "It's OK that I'm not perfect and make mistakes. I keep focused on learning and improving." Loving our self might mean taking better care of our body; improving nutrition, flexibility, strength and endurance. Caring for our self might mean taking a few minutes every day to take stock of what we are thinking and how we are feeling; not judging it, just being aware and accepting of what is on our mind and how we are feeling. Caring for our self could mean noting what we are inspired to do and following through with that inspiration as best we can. It could mean honestly accepting that we could really benefit by getting help in a certain area.

I believe if we look at any area where we are effective at supporting others, we'll find we were effective at supporting our selves in that area first. The more accepting , compassionate and supportive we are of our selves, the more effective we will find our selves contributing that to others.

Scott Friedman

Mortgage Broker

(Including Reverse Mortgages)

805 383 2545