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By Julian Jinjur

CONFESSIONS OF A LUDDITE

Posted 10:03 a.m., April 22, 2008

When a friend I had invited to dinner walked through my front door, he was talking to himself. He waved, walked past me and pointed to his right ear. Then I saw the strange ornament attached to his ear. I recognized it as Bluetooth, a cell phone that uses a new method of connecting various devices such as mobile phones, laptops, printers, digital cameras so they can talk to each other. He told me that as of July 1st, it would be against the law to talk on a cell phone while driving. The Bluetooth allows for the driver to keep both hands on the wheel, yet still be able to have a conversation.

Because I am not adept at multitasking, I will never need a Bluetooth to use in the car. My problem is that I don’t know that many people to talk to justify the investment of a Bluetooth. Besides, I prefer face to face conversations. Yet I liked the idea of owning a Bluetooth so people will think I am tech savvy. I didn’t want to be left out of the loop. I found a used Bluetooth on Craigslist for a reasonable price. I have the convenience of a mobile phone with all the technology, minus the costly phone service contract. Now I can join the herd, walk around outside talking to myself with nobody the wiser. A few days ago, while waiting in the Express Line at Von’s, I decided to ‘take a call.’ My conversation to a phantom caller included these tidbits:

‘Is $400,000 the best price you can get?’ (pause, pause, pause)

’OK, let’s do it. I’ll bring you a check for the full amount tomorrow. Thanks.’

The guy standing in front of me turned around to see who was talking. He saw my Bluetooth, sneered, then quickly looked away. I smiled and glanced at the magazines.

However, even with my own Bluetooth, I’m still behind on the Tech front. I wanted to own my own Blueberry. Wait, make that a BlackBerry. I’m just like other folks. I’ve got lunch dates, doctor appointments and meetings. I have a faux leather appointment Journal at home, but that’s so yesterday. So when I see friends hunched over their BlackBerries (sp?), I’m envious. So, instead of shelling out $300, I went to the 99 cent store and bought a small calculator…the exact size of a BlackBerry. I snapped a kabob stick in half to use as a stylus. I was in a meeting last week when the moderator announced the date of next meeting. I whipped out my ‘Blackberry’ made some entries, then surreptitiously noted the date of the meeting on the back of a business card. I don’t know when I’ve ever felt more Kool!

In a Lighter Vein:

● An air raid had just started and the air warden was trying to get everyone into the shelter. One old woman refused to go saying, “I’m not going anywhere until I find my teeth.” The warden replied, “Lady, let’s get out of here, they’re dropping bombs, not sandwiches.”

●A woman went to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. “What denomination?” asked the clerk.

“Oh good heavens! Have we come to this?” said the woman.

“Well give me 50 Catholic and 50 Baptist ones.”

“We are all born for love. It is the principal of existence and it’s only end.”

‘Till next time

Julian Jinjur